First post!

So I'm starting this blog to keep a record of and motivate me in my quest to beat servere social anxiety disorder. My current situation is as follows, I used to be a complete shut-in, I couldn't leave the house at all, I could cope with online socializing at my best but not at all at my worst, I can now go out with another person pretty much anywhere and it's not too terrible, I still get anxiety twinges but they are something I can live with. The next step is getting out alone and that is something I'm not so good at. I'm also struggling with getting a grip on a weird form of self harm that involves not looking afer myself so I have really horrible greasy hair(this stops me from going out because I can't possibly stand the thought of people seeing me like that) and terrible spots that I then pick at so they get infected (I only just acknowledged this for what it as, before that I was kind of ignoring it as a)because I was depressed and b) just a habit like biting your nails, but it isn't) and have tonnes of scars thanks to this. I'm about a third of the way there with the help of my fabulous CBT therapist but I'm at the point where I have to start making some really big changes and I think I've been backing away from them because, hey, change is scary.

The title of this blog relates to the names I have for two sides of myself, the Hermit; AKA the embodiment of my anxiety, this side likes to hide from everything, it is mostly responsible for me being in the state I was and still am to some extent. I never left the house at all and spent my whole time being miserable and shunning contact with other people because of it. And Lara Croft, AKA the flustration at my situation, the second side that wants to over compensate for the Hermit, she wants to go out there and do everything even if I can't psychically, mentally or emotionally cope with it. She is responsible for my many failed attempts at getting a 'normal' life because she'd make me drive in blindly without taking small steps towards a goal and every time I took too much on at once and crashed the Hermit would use this as evidence that the world is a bad place and I'm better off not in it.

They're both wrong if I only listen to one of them at a time, I need to find a balance between the two by getting my anxiety and flustration under control. I don't know if anyone will read this but if they do I hope they find some of it useful if they are in a similar way.